Lost and Found

Like myself, most people that I converse with seem to have the belief that everything does happen for a reason. Then...there are those that do not have that philosophy. I feel that I have made a genuine attempt at looking beyond this "universal law" but I come back to it time and time again.

I have been dealing with some inner demons the last couple of months. In the process I just didn't want to accept that "everything happens for a reason." Not this time.

The idea of working on finding some sort of peace about things or at least some understanding has not been my focus. Rather, I have been fighting it and fighting it. Feeling the need to be strong and charge foward have consumed my thinking almost daily. There are some things you can not fix - at least not on your terms, which is usually part of the equation.

I have finally decided that it is time to throw it to wind.

Let it go. Change my focus.

Be good. Be kind and giving. Be loving. Be hopeful. Mostly, be trusting.

I am finally heading towards peace. I am letting go. It is time to make a conscience effort to live my life for each day - now. Not for what could of been or what might be.

Having made this "revelation" I am already healing. My heart is already starting to warm almost as if it had been hiding from me(I really can't blame it). Once I made the decision to let go of my pain, my heart immediately came back to me. An indescribable feeling.

Featured: Sheldon Turtle Drop Earring in 18k gold and sterling silver w/ diamond accent

All designs copyright Saint, Inc. 2010

Turning Blue From Going Green!

Image via Wikipedia

We are doing a fairly good job at our house at being conscience of the environment and our environmental "duties." We recycle, although I have been reminding Art for the last three years that banana peels do not go in our recycle bin. We are aware of how much we water our lawn (it is always too much). We use the energy saver light bulbs, reuse our paper bags and so on and so forth.

On the other hand, SOME DAYS IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! Some days laziness gets the best of me and I think forming these new habits is getting the better of me. I say "new habits" because everytime I get to a point where I feel we are doing alright there is another new habit that we can implement.

A while back I was serving my kids lunch on paper plates. I love using paper plates when I can because they are easy. We all love easy -right? Then I start thinking too hard about it; "Hmmm, is it better to use a paper plate or to wash a real plate? If I use a real plate then I am using more water, but if I use a paper plate then that is something else that is going into the trash. " Not to mention that I then learn that many paper plates have a plastic coating on them that can leech to your food if you heat them in the microwave. I am starting to realize you can become rather irritable over the whole issue.

I got rid of all my ziploc baggies and started storing everything in pyrex and tin foil after learning that using plastic for extreme heating or cooling or any food storage leeches onto the food you eat and is cancer causing. Our refrigerator looked like a shelf in Bed, Bath and Beyond! I was washing more dishes than ever w/ the change over. Oh no! Water wasting!! Not to mention all the time washing - like that is what I want to do all the time.

I finally caved and went on a Ziploc binge! Then I spoke with a dear friend who is way ahead of the curve on all these health/enviro/"green" topics and she talked me down.

I still haven't given up the Ziplocs, I guess it is the rebel in me!

Did I Mention How Great My Husband Is?

The last month has been slightly busy for Art and I.

Art has spent the last few weeks preparing for a trial and then follwed by a week in trial. What that means for Jack, Lily and I is...NO DAD TIME.

It also means waking up alone, going to sleep alone, dinner alone, bed time stories alone.

Not only is it lonely without Art around - it is a lot of extra work. I really appreciate when he comes home at night and takes the kids in the backyard for an hour so I can breathe and whip up some strange and usually unsuccessful concoction for dinner. I love how he always has the coffee hot and ready when I wake up an hour or more later than him. It is not unnoticed or forgotten that most mornings he does the first diaper change and prepares the oatmeal. I don't want to forget to mention that when he gets home for work most nights he lets me sneak off for an hour or more, so that I can get a workout in or some extra work accomplished.

The last month all of these pleasantries were taken away. All these small but "oh so meaningly" acts of kindness were no more. It was a wonderful reminder of how much I appreciate my mate and value his loving gestures. Thank you Artie.

PS I am so glad that trial is over!!

Feeling Guilty

This Sunday morning our doorbell rang at 7:56am and it was one of our darling neighbors... 5 year old Sam asking "Can Lily and Jack come out and play?" Standing in my pajamas just shy of my first cup of coffee...I was totally not prepared for this. Sam has been "knocking" quite a bit this week. He is a doll. I think it is great that he and his two sisters want to play with my little Lily and baby Jack...

BUT- that means that I have to "play" (ie. watch) too!! :)

I was a real trooper this week. Jack, Lily and I, all covered in sunscreen, headed out the front door day after day so that I could watch all five kids play in the front yard in the 90 degree sun. I could feel the brown spots growing on my face that I had worked so hard all winter to fade. I thought to myself 'this is why you have kids when your are young. You don't think about brown spots and and wrinkles and you aren't tired all the time.'

So, this morning when darling Sam arrived I had to think fast. I explained to Sam that we were leaving in a little bit to go to the 'inside playground.' Sam said "Oh, we don't go there." I said "Yes, you are too grown up for that playground."

It wasn't a lie because we really were going there. No matter, I still feel guilty. I wanted to take Jack and Lily to the inside playground because it was nice and cool and I could sit on bench and zone for ONE WHOLE HOUR. Is that awful? Well, if it is or isn't - it definitely is the truth. It is my guilty pleasure. I don't have to worry about pushing swings, getting sand out of eyes, catching them on the slide or anything. For ONE WHOLE HOUR, I can sit there and relax. Then afterwards we get some lunch and a treat and everyone is so happy.

Why do I feel guilty for doing this? I wonder if it means I am slacking? Am I lazy? I don't know...all I know is that I never imagined that one of my guilty pleasures would be sitting at the 'inside playground' at the Paradise Valley Mall.

PS Did I fail to mention how many parents are there with their toddlers? Did I fail to mention how many of them let out big sighs of "ahhhhh" when they sit down next to me and then say "isn't this nice?" :)

Dear Mom: A Mother's Day Diary, Part II

Dear Mom,



You made me. You nurtured me. I can't imagine what life would be like without you. Innately, you're motherly love is the first thing my heart reaches for when I am in need of care or help or empathy. Instinctively, you are the one that comes to mind when I have questions that I do not know the answers. I always think "Mom will know what is the best thing to do."





Though many times I have resisted your guidence, my heart and soul seem to whisper in the background of my conscience "listen to your mother - she is the one person that you know will always want what is best for you."





Now I am a mother to my own children and I am so sorry for all the worry, frustration and concern that I must have caused you to face year after year and issue after issue in my developing years. I roll my eyes when you sarcastically remind me "now it's your turn!" You tell me this as if you find great joy in knowing that I get to experience all the challenges of motherhood. The revenge is sweet for both of us, I suppose.





Here I am forty years old and I find myself making a conscience effort to be more independent of you and trying not to come to you with all my questions and conflicts. Meanwhile, here you are in your sixties and I see you letting go of me more and more each year - allowing me to form my own family dynamic, my own lifestyle....just looking on from a distance while you and dad enjoy the fruits of your years of labor.





My hope is that you are proud of who you nurtured me to be. I am so proud of you and the woman you are today. I want you to know that you are held in my heart and a part of my soul and definitely my conscience! Always.





Love,





Sarah Jane

Featured: Keegan Bracelet

All designs copyright Saint, Inc. 2010

Emily Center Fashion Show: Phoenix Childrens' Hospital

Saint By Sarah Jane donates Ladybug earring and delicate necklace to the 21st Annual Emily Center Fashion Show.

Fashion show and luncheon take place Saturday, May 8th from 10:30am to 2:00pm at the Arizona Biltmore.

About the Emily Center:

The Emily Center is one of the first hospital-based pediatric family health library's in the country. It has become the southwest's leader in provision of individualized child health information. Materials are available to everyone throughout the state and are free of charge.

For more information about the Emily Center please visit: www.pchemilyfashionshow.com/about.php

To buy tickets for the Emily Center Fashion Show please visit: http://www.emilycenterfashionshow.com/

All designs copyright Saint, Inc. 2010

Dear Mom: A Mother's Day Diary, Part I

Dear Mom,

There are so many thoughts that come to mind when I think of the many ways you cared for me and shared your motherly love with me in ways that only a mother would.

The summer I was around 8 years old, when you golfed 9 to 18 holes with me every single morning to help me win "Miss Novice Junior." At the end of the summer we learned that I didn't win due to some behind the scenes shinanigans. You gifted me with a trophy engraved "To The Real Miss Novice Junior!" I still have that trophy and the memory.

The time when I came home from school in the fifth grade and was feeling "not so pretty." You laid on my bedroom floor with me and held me while I cried. I will always remember you telling me that I had the most beautiful eyelashes.

The year you sat and watched me evening after evening practice learning a back handspring on a mattress. Then it became back flips, then cheers, debate speeches and forensic speeches).

How you always supported and encouraged my creativity even when you had every right not to!

The first year we started Saint you visited every Neiman Marcus store with me. You also worked in the office and basically ran the production (for several years). I don't know many moms would do that for their daughter.

In my mind you were overly protective of me when I was a teen. Now that I am a mother, I look back and I understand why you set such boundries.

I just want to tell you thanks. These are but a few of many memories I have of you. To this day you are a strong, beautiful, energetic woman and I am so blessed that you are my mom.

Love,

Sarah Jane